Speaking about myself is difficult. Not the upper layers and masks that I allow others to see. I’m talking about the soft, inner, child-like part of me that I’ve kept hidden and asleep: the essence of ME. At the mid life review, I found things lacking, left out and little within myself. I found the fear that has always been there, living silent and deadly like a cancer. Unhappy within despite the many blessings showering down upon me without. Noticing, for the first time, I am valuable. So, I woke up. I took deep breaths…and even deeper breaths, feeding fresh air into the dark cave that is my old inner…breathing new life into ME. I have awakened. The fear is still there, but now I am facing it, a small step leading to bigger steps. I am choosing honesty, even if it is painful. I’m finally allowing myself to just be.
I am awake. This is my journey….
alexiswilson3900 
I think we should talk more. I’m going through the same thing right now. I keep waiting for the moment that I will “wake up” and take hold of my life so I can make it what I want. Sometimes I feel like I’m just sleepwalking through my life and that scares me. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I wasted my life away.
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It is scary, Amy. I’m 45 and just now feeling like I’m in control of things.
All the anxiety I felt all the stress came from feeling out of control of things, people and situations. It led to so much unhappiness within, which cheated me and my family from some pretty awesome times.
I can’t go back…only forward. Not every day is a forward step….I think I will still have backward steps, but when I do I will forgive myself more and try again.
Having surgery on Tuesday is my new birth. It is also Abbie’s birthday. When I told her we would share it, she said NO…she wanted her own! LOLOLOL That is my darling child!
I want to be there for them again…..wake…and moving forward….
I want to make the memories I was too scared or angry or whatever…not to do before. I want to be awake!
I love you Ams! You are my sister friend. My soul sister friend! And always, always will be!
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Well, I think that’s wonderful Alexis!!! I love you too, and I’ll always be here for you if you need me! Let me know if you’re going to be able to come visit during your recovery! 🙂
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